


It Will Get Better

by orphan_account



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst for sure, M/M, Other, i chose mark for his age, not sure what this is, sorry if it gets sad, sort of like a diary
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 14:27:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 715
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19814191
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Mark Lee is an idol rookie. A very popular idol rookie. But there's something behind his idol persona that not many people get to see. Taeyong hyung suggests that he should start keeping a journal to store his thoughts because he has a hard time articulating his feelings out loud. Welcome to Mark's Journal.This will eventually transition from journal entries to real life, so bear with me.





	It Will Get Better

**Author's Note:**

> Please bear with me. I have never published here before and I hope that my writing is good.

_December 20, 2013_

_Being a rookie is hard. It’s one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. There is so much to do and so little time to prepare. Each time we get a choreography down, there’s another one that takes it place. It’s not as easy as I thought it would be, but it’s worth it._

_Lately I’ve felt distant from the other members. I don’t know why that is, but I am. I’m not sure if it’s the language barrier (because I’m still perfecting my Korean), or if it’s just me. Johnny Hyung is one of the only ones that speaks fluent English, so that helps. I feel like I can’t connect with the other members who are around my age._

_I feel so alone in this city where I don’t have many friends. It’s a struggle to keep up the smile on my face in front of the cameras._

_It’s hard to keep up the smiles when the Hyung’s come around to make sure we’re all okay. I think Taeyong Hyung knows I’m struggling but I can’t bring myself to tell him everything that’s been eating at me._  
_I promised him I would write in this journal to keep him from prying. If he keeps pressing, my resolve will break, and I’ll tell him everything. I know he’ll feel bad that I feel so lonely, and I don’t want that. He is always so busy and tired. It would kill me if I added to that stress. We’re all struggling as rookies._

_Hansol Hyung tries to help, too. But he is struggling more than I am. I can see it when we practice. Sometimes it seems like Hansol Hyung doesn’t want to be here. I think out of all of us, he is the one they should focus on. I keep telling Taeyong Hyung this, but he says that everyone deserves to be heard out. He says that he worries about us younger members because it’s a lot of stress for kids our ages. I told him in no uncertain terms that I am no longer a kid._

_He laughed at me and hugged me. He also started talking to me like I was a baby. He’s so embarrassing but I love my Hyung and I’m so thankful for him. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell him everything that I can’t tell him right now._

_Don’t get me wrong, I love being a rookie. I’m doing what I love, and I love the fans. We try so hard and to make them all happy._

_I have been staying in my room more often. I listen to music and try to forget what I’m feeling. I can’t even properly describe how I feel sometimes._

_And then… There’s Donghyuck. Duckie. Duckie makes me feel different. He pays attention to me and he knows when I’m feeling down. He constantly teases me and picks on me, but his smile keeps me from truly getting upset about it. Duckie… I could write about Duckie forever. I don’t know what these feelings are, but I keep them to myself because I don’t know what would happen if I told someone._

_Duckie is the only thing keeping me sane some days. Some days I get up just to see his smile. His smile is like the sun; blinding but beautiful. I’m just the sunflower following the sun._

_I’m not sure what else I should write about. I miss my parents. We rarely have time to see our families. It doesn’t help that my family is in Canada. They’re farther than some of the other’s families. Johnny Hyung knows how I feel. His family is in Chicago._

_Sometimes I worry that the fans will leave if I mess up. If I’m anything less than perfect, would they still stay? I spend most my time practicing now. They have us on this diet that is supposed to help us lose weight and gain energy. It’s hard to resist eating whenever I’m super hungry, but I have to do it for the fans. They’ll like me once I’m perfect, right? That’s what the stylist Noona’s and the manager Hyung’s tell us._

_I hope they love us,_

_Mark Lee (or Lee Minhyung. Whatever they want to call me now.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter - @Bycaliforjohnny
> 
> Instagram - @Nchoesinthehouse

**Author's Note:**

> Comment anything. Constructive criticism helps!


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